Monday, 23 November 2015

the excuse post (otherwise known as: don't get too excited)

Edinburgh fringe 2015: another missed opportunity for a blog post
I'm not really sure what's happened to this blog in the same way I am about my keyboard: I know that the keyboard is broken so I have to use the on-screen keyboard to type "k" or "l" and that it is pretty much my fault it's broken in the first place but I'm not sure how.

I've been starting to try to fill up my weekend socialsing or whatnot when I would normally be working on a blog post (just to specify I mean during the time I would be working on one, I don't spend full weekends typing away for here, otherwise my blogposts would be of a much higher quality). When I would have taken photos for my blog I'd rather take photos for instagram and frankly as much as I like a good text heavy post, I prefer to have images somewhere within my posts.

Technically I have way more free time than I've ever had as I get free periods at school but I'm finding that I'm just getting less done as I feel less motivated. It's not even for just here, it's in everything I do: school, journalling even sleeping (which may sound ridiculous but it's true).

This is an excuse post and I'm fully aware of that but I just wanted you to know why I've been so quiet on here.

I'm hoping that typing this will motivate me as blogging really does help me during winter but we'll just have to see.

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

A Yellow Rose

Above is a petal from a yellow rose my Grandpa received whilst he stayed in a care home before he passed away, it was given to him as gift from a friend when they visited who picked it from their garden. The first time I saw the rose it was bright, freshly grown and full of beauty that could only be found from a rose. It's odd to think that if I didn't nosy around my Grandpa's room I wouldn't have even noticed it, and even if I didn't the rose would have still been working its individual rose magic. 

Our last visit to the room, where the rose was ageing on it's lonesome, was filled with silence. We packed away remnants of a life which came free with familiar smells and memories. It was almost like a backwards room tour as instead of entering something new and learning all the sentimental value of every crevice in a space, we were returning the space before it had gained it's value. A new beginning. Suddenly I saw the yellow petals mixed between the bin bags and picked it up, deciding to keep it home. 

I'm not entirely sure why I was so intrigued by the rose, perhaps I was just being superficial and liked the idea of having something pretty to look at whilst lazing in my room. However, there is no denying that the rose reminded me of my Grandpa in some ways: he was a wonderful man, who grew popular in the community by his singing and by being extremely likeable. Even if you didn't know him, that did not stop him being his wonderful self. Even if he can't continue his virtues, they still exists in the memories of others.  

Rest In Peace.

Saturday, 19 September 2015

Mom Jeans and Celebrities

Hello guys! So over the past two years I've completely lost any love for jeans that I used to own...well until mom jeans came back into fashion. Skinny jeans, at least for me, seem to have this talent of making their way into every outfit even though they aren't necessarily that comfy at all. Eventually I came to the conclusion that skirts are a lot easier to deal with and found myself going on online shopping sprees for skirts. 

However, then mom jeans came back into fashion and I ended up going back on my word and buying a pair from Topshop anyway (to be fair, they are a lot comfier). So I thought I should post a few outfits as they haven't yet graced this blog;
 Here I paired them with a crop top from a charity shop (originally from Topshop) with an unbuttoned vintage blouse (also bought from a charity shop. I also paired this with my blue jelly shoes from Primark.
 This is a look slightly inspired by Madonna in the 1980's with her corset like tops matched with chunky jewellery (however I do say this very loosely). I wore the jeans with a polka dot strapped top (and yes I do realise that this is too small for me, don't worry I'm donating it asap) over a black top with lace detail.

On the note of Madonna, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be a celebrity nowadays. When you find yourself known to media, every detail they can find out about you is under scrutiny. Often you can't relate these images to the person actually in them: when they are dealing with mental health problems, only their point of breakdowns are are reported so they can be portrayed as crazy; if they normally treat people well, newspapers will replay a video of them being rude to someone to convey them as mean. It's so important to remember that unless you know these people, you should not assume you do.

If you disagree with me or just wish to say anything feel free to comment below! See you soon!

Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Why blog?

Hey there again! Happy September everyone! I seem to have a few months old photos from the Lake District that turned out okay when for some reason in my mind I thought I already posted any of the decent looking ones of Instagram!! Enjoy my thoughts!

The Lake District is a place that I find to be very inspiring. Every year we stroll around, seeing the sights, reading on the occasion and I always return full of ideas (whether they get used is another story). This year was no different having scrolled down any random detail into my notebook yet I never really made any blog posts and explored the new topics that I wanted to explore. Which remembering has made me realise I've done that with a lot of (unpublished) blog posts recently.
top - Call of the Wild, jeans -Topshop, boots - Dr Marten

Originally, this blog was created as a place to share anything I wished to share. It seemed necessary to have a place where my quiet and slightly awkward self could be its quiet and slightly awkward self.

However, that was over a year ago and I know to you eels out there that can live over 150 years old this may seem a touch silly (you know, almost as silly as acting as if eels would read my blog) but quite a bit has changed since then. I just don’t have as much interest having images of my daily outfits being posted or typing up the tedious things I did that day (not that I have anything against anyone doing this, seriously I did do it for over a year so it must have some positives). Now I've just been putting off posting here as it’s just not a place I connect with anymore, or I've been doing the odd post and then going back to procrastinating with something else.

To stop myself wasting a half- decent blog I’m going to change it up around here, this may mean my posts may be heavier in text than photo-ridden so consider yourselves warned. Hopefully this space won’t turn into a complete snooze-fest as I'm only going to be posting things I feel worth posting (which will still include posts about fashion of course).

I don’t want to seem as if I’m downplaying having a blog though! Personally I think everyone should have their own blog whether it’s on here or even tumblr, either way by having one you can make connections with so many people that you didn't know existed. There’s so many different uses for blogs and they’re so easy to make and accessible to most as well as less annoying than a Facebook profile page. 
jumper - Edinburgh Woollen Mill, necklace - charity shops

Returning back to the creative positivity that the Lake District creates, there should be more posts on here soon! X

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Body Confidence in the Media

***I would just like to state that I'm not trying to dissmiss trans* body disphoria or stating that genderqueer people do not experience body shaming and self shaming. I'm only using the terms men and women as the media targets this topic in such a manner and this piece is questioning the media (and I'm definitely as knowledgable as I would need to be to delve into these topics).***

Back in April a diet pill advertising using the phrase "Bikini Body" caused an outrage over the internet I can completely understand. Many people deemed it to be shaming women's figures or increasing the intense pressures those who identify as women face in keeping themselves "in shape" simply so that we wont be degraded by the world around us.

Now don't get me wrong, of course men are also surrounded with the images of gyms, protein shakes etc, but all of these images come from the patriarchal value of being the opposite of women (and in all honesty I'm using the word "opposite" as a euphemism for having more power over women, but I do understand that there is only so much of my feminist rampages my blog can take so I'll keep it at a minimum). Yet to deny that men do not suffer from body confidence as many statistics will tell me that men certainly do would be denying men's issues with body confidence, and if you are like the many on Facebook I have stupidly argued with (yes I know, I thought I was better than that too) then I suggest taking a read of this article from the guardian.  

My personal experience with body image started at a very young age when I began to read magazines with images of people that I simply couldn't live up to because they were over-airbrushed or were celebrities and models sucked into the abyss of body shaming. Personally, having a petite build as I did would have made me felt more celebrated than others may have but I also felt the worry of losing it. The media seemed to be warning me that if you become "out of proportion" or have "cellulite", in between the lines of the diets combined with weight-tracking "celebs" littered throughout magazines, that you aren't good enough to get into the glossy pages which my role models shone upon.

The invisible system continues into television, specifically children's TV. This being due to the ridiculous fact of Disney channel employing actors double the age of the character's they played. I was baffled of how perfect and grown up these "teenagers" seemed to be, being that the only teenagers I knew growing up dealt with acne and awkward stages. Yet the television seemed to tell no tale of broken voices or greasy skin. It was only on occasion you would find people like Miley Cyrus (who auditioned for Hannah Montana when she was 11) who were actually literally fresh-faced.

As with anything a person is surrounded by growing up with, you tend to become nurtured into a process. This particular process being body shaming and other different patterns of self hatred (as well it can feed into mental illness but as I am not a professional as you well know I'm not in a position to delve too much into that topic specifically).  You begin to notice people not accepting complements, not because they want to hear more about how great they are but simply because they have been told how they should not be any less than perfect in a world where it's impossible. More importantly, you begin to notice the system causing this cycle of self-hatred: The Media.

Nowadays, with my legs ridden with stretch marks and other imperfections, growing 2 sizes upwards from the stress of Scottish Highers, and summer bringing out the tan of old scars, this year has been my most difficult in terms of finding self-worth and I won't let myself be told once more that I'm being "overly emotional" when I struggle the most. I will try my best to promote body confidence to all and I hope you do too. Thank you for reading.

Wednesday, 10 June 2015

a fraction out of a hundred

Hello again! It feels as if it's been ages since I've last been here! How are you? How was exams and anything else going on in your lives? Now that we've got the niceties out the way lets talk about my absence (or absence of posts with a decent amount of thought put towards them). 

On my hiatus I was finished my gruesome highers and started sixth year of school. It's a terrifying feeling being in my last year of high school: we're so close to leaving which means I don't have to deal with the utter nonsense that comes with my school (i.e. bullying, stress and all that jazz) yet I don't want to leave because that means I have to start thinking more about the rest of my life. Fortunately, I made the right decision and choosing all creative subjects this year so I can at least cope somewhat for now. 

While I was away I realised there were a few dregs left from the post around style so I thought I may as well share them in a couple of blogs, so here you go (also as an added bonus enjoy my unnecessary reflections):
top - New Look, skirt - charity shop, sunglasses - Primark
Of course these photos were never going to be in the post because they were of me and I didn't want the post to be about me in the slightest (kinda strange considering this is my blog, oh well) but Nikki and Eve were adamant about involving me in the pictures. So I feel like I should post these up here anyway because I'd feel like it would be a bit of a waste.
I'm really glad how the post came out in the end, it's definitely my favourite blog post so far that I've done, mostly due to the effort that I put into it. I've certainly learned a lot from it, if not just from my wise friends but also from just making the post the amount of effort I want to put into this now and I feel incredibly lucky as I have a whole summer ahead of me to work on that.

Reflecting on the post itself has made me realise that I don't actually have a style. When buying clothes, I just see something I like and buy it. I guess I'm getting more into buying clothing from charity shops and vintage shops/events but I only really do as I see it to be more ethical than buying something straight from the high street and my purse prefers it more too. It may be that I don't see myself having a style simply because I'm at a stage where I'm changing constantly: one second I feel anxious the next I feel confident. Style in the end is a silent method of expression (well at least for me it is).

My advice for people who want find their own style is to think about their surroundings and what they wish to gain from it. Gaining a sense of style can do many things and you need to be aware of that. Sometimes the way you wish to dress may not be safe for you at this moment. Sometimes you might want to make an opinion heard. Clothing isn't only to be aesthetically pleasing, you can use it in whatever way you wish and that's why it's so incredibly exciting! (And yes I do know that I'm essentially paraphrasing what Eve and Nikki said, but it's so important!)
boots - Dr Marten
I want to be clear here, I'm not as out of proportion as it may look. Eve is simply a wee bit smaller than me and I was crouching.

See you next time with hopefully a lot more blogs and a lot more ideas!x

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

"Little YouTube"

So today's post is slightly inspired by Ashley Mardell's new video so you might wan't to check her out first,or maybe check that out first if you wish!

As YouTube has become a more mainstream topic the YouTubers on the platform have become bigger in terms of subscriptions and views. So as this has happened, an entire community of smaller YouTubers have been forgotten.

Personally I have no issue with there being big/famous YouTubers. I watch these people for entertainment and that's what I get. I know that these people put up fronts of smiley faces, may script their videos, put more make up on in their videos than in real life and do dozens of takes before the final finished video but I am still perfectly happy to watch.These videos don't need to be a reality as the people who watch them have their own realities and simply subscribe for the light-heartedness of the community or whatever reason. As in the end we as the viewer know that YouTube has a become a job.

However I can perfectly understand why being a part of "Little YouTube" is so attractive. I like the idea of having my own platform to share whatever I wish to share without having the responsibility of so many subscribers, I mean that was the exact reason I started my blog.

However those are simply just my views. If any of you guys have a different opinion please feel free to share as I am really interested in this (as with most topics around YouTube because I spend way too much time on there, it's essentially my virtual home).

And on the topic of YouTube, I think I would like to start using my channel. I don't know whether I'd keep doing vlogs as I find it to be a little nerve-racking but I quite like the idea of making some form of video content above this blog as it would be a good way to explore a different platform.

Saturday, 16 May 2015

Things that should replace an English exam

So yesterday I did my English exam and I started to think about how doing 2 essays in stupid amount of time they give us doesn't suit everyone so here are some suggestions to jazz up the exam a bit.

A re-enactment of the book
I mean I would play a fantastic Nick (from "The Great Gatsby") as we have a lot of things in common. For example, we are obsessed with people that we don’t necessarily know…maybe Fitzgerald was predicting the existence of the 21st century fangirl. Also, I doubt that anything we could make would be as ridiculous as the new Gatsby film.

A "creative writing" piece a based on the themes of the play
 And if you didn't notice my heavily emphasised inverted commas I meant fan fiction, there probably is some sort of Natsby fanfiction going on anyway. And I think the SQA is missing out on some great talent out there…or just being mentally scarred. Either way it's a win-win situation.

A rap battle
Sure this may be a little copyright to the Epic Rap Battles of History but I'm sure the SQA acting like an mouldy piece of cheese with all the practice they've had from creating the new highers.  

But in all seriousness I am very happy to have the chance to have an education and I do appreciate's just that I also appreciate the fact that the SQA like to cause teenagers a ridiculous amount of stress.

Thursday, 14 May 2015

The Creative Void

I made a video this time as I didn't know how to interpret into the written word. Thank you for watching if you choose to do so! x

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Style: A Further Insight

Hello again! what I want to explore today is the importance of style. Style has been seen to be unreachable to some, but I think it depends on the way you view style. From badges to ballgowns there plenty ways of expressing yourself. To get a further insight into other people's opinions I asked my friends Eve and Nikki questions around the topic of style whilst documenting some of their own outfits.

 First is Eve. Eve is a delightfully tiny person with a wonderful laugh and soul to match. If you think there is a chance of you not liking Eve, you're wrong.
jumper - vintage fair

top - Topshop
jeans - Topshop
shoes - Dr Marten (later featured)
 Secondly is Nikki. Me and Nikki are basically the same people but different somehow. One thing that you should also know about Nikki is that they will do everything in their path to make sure they're helping, always.
jumper - vintage shop
top - Primark
jeans - New Look
shoes - Schuh
jumper - New Look
t-shirt - H&M
skirt - a London market 
shoes - New Look
 What would you describe your style to be? 
Nikki: Androgynous. Some days I'll have traits of both genders, other days I'll try to express one gender more than the other. On days I'd rather look more feminine I may wear more pastel colours along with dresses or skirts. On days I'd rather look more masculine I may wear darker colours along with jeans, beanies and a binder.
Eve: Summery, floral. I suppose some times colourful.

What does your style mean to you? 
Eve: A form of self expression. It's important for me to reflect how I'm feeling that day and parts of my personality.
Nikki: A way to explore. Different days I will feel different ways about how I wish to dress. I'll mould my style to how I want to be treated or seen.

What has inspired your style up to this point?
Nikki: My sister, you, exploring the internet
Eve: Things I see in magazines. If I see something cool in the media (like Free The Nipple). Things that have an impact, that mean something to me. Emma Watson also: when she cut her hair short and the bare minimum of make-up that she wears.

 Do you feel there is a consensus about how our generation dresses?
Eve: Yeah, that we all wear skimpy outfits, crop tops and jerseys. Also, that we all dress the same.
Nikki: Yeah, there is a big gender, age, social & economic prejudice in terms of style.

 Do you feel that style is more accessible than people think? 
Nikki: In some cases. It's the little things I guess. Even just accessories can help people express themselves. However some people dressing the way they wish can be quite dangerous. Certain reasons such as gender and religion can prevent people from dressing as they wish.
Eve: Yeah. It can be hard for some as it is really easy to care about what people think. And once you've cut that chord it can be really nice and fun to express yourself.

What advice would you give someone else to lead them onto their way to discovering their own style? 
Eve:  I think just going into a shop or just looking at stuff and not worrying about what goes. Use it as a way to express you, not to impress others.
Nikki: For me, experimentation is key. It is okay to be one style one day and a different the next. You don't have to keep up to anyone's expectations.

Thank you for reading and I hope this has made you think about what style means to you. Also, don't be afraid to share your own opinions either by comment, blog post, or anywhere else!

Thursday, 9 April 2015

Bribry and Dodie Clark concert 06/04

First things first I would like to mention in the picture of my journal there is a few mentions of the f-word so if you are offended by such matters, simply do not look at it. Also mentions of anxiety (fear or concerts and large groups of people).

On Monday night I went to see Bribry and Dodie at their gig/concert/whatever you wish to call it with a few of my friends. From the start it was a bumpy road. About a week ago I was thinking about the concert trying to plan things, silly me read the date as the 16th, while I'm away in the Lake District, so I reluctantly gave my ticket to my friend Nikki an didn't think about t again. However, after a shoot with my friends, me and Nikki decided to have a break watching Dan and Phil (my life is way too YouTube orientated) which caused Nikki to have a sudden reminder that the concert was the next day. Obviously I replied "No, it's not, otherwise I could go!!". Turns out, in the end, Nikki was right and I was bamboozled. 

After organising Nikki a ticket (thank the high heavens that there were more left) and furthher arrangements were made, I was finally going to the concert. However, I hadn't had enough time to mentally prepare myself (and no I don't mean in the fangirl way, no "ASDFGHJKL's" were happening), I hadn't been to a concert since Fall Out Boy last year and even then those were sitting tickets. Thoughts of small spaces trapped with many people filled my head and  led to my usual anxious thoughts. And then I freaked out. Quite a few times.
journal entry 06/04
I won't go into the freaking out, but it did leave me in an awkwardly short fringge situation and the confusion of me and my friends transport which wasn't particularly fun. In the end we arrived at the O2 ABC Glasgow around 5, which may seem early for a concert which is supposed to start at 7, but it isn't. We found ourselves just at the end of the street before the line had to go around the corner, which means that when either Bribry or Dodie emerged outside we only saw glimpses of them rather than getting to actually see them. In the end I didn't mind especially as it was especially easy to make friends (seriously, I just interrupted a conversation about American Horror Story and as soon as we knew it we had a group). 

During our wait we spent time getting to know each other, asking questions, talking about TV shows and so on. Chips were shared, fangirling happened, I shuddered due to not bringing a jacket (never trust Glasgow weather, even if it's sunny all day). Soon it was time to walk into the venue.
left to right: new friend, Dodie, new friend, me, BriBry, Nikki and Kezia (also Elliot being the cameraperson)
The room was surprisingly small. I didn't really know what to expect as I had never been to the O2 ABC before and I wasn't expecting arena size but it was still a shock to me. We went straight to audience found a good spot, spent time waiting, buying merch and then after a while Dodie appeared on the stage. 

Overall her performance was fantastic. Her voice was lovely, perhaps I struggled to see her at points as she isn't at the same sort of height as BriBry where no matter where you stand you can see him (he's 6'5, about foot taller than me), but that didn't matter as her talent seeped through that. Also, at one point she replied to me when I shouted out "we love you anyways" and said "I love you too" which was a wonderful moment.
Bribry came on after a while of waiting. It was strange, as years back in 2012 I had seen him perform at Upload 2 in the Garage (all the photos taken that night are long gone, except from an awful blackberry quality one of me in my gosh darn awful knee-high sock and dungaree combo and Luke Cutforth in his panda hat, a wee bit cringey), and I couldn't help but compare the two experiences. Back then there were probably just around a hundred people and it was only him and his guitar. But on Monday there were 300 people chanting away, full of excitement. On Monday he had a band with him and the energy to match. There is no other word to describe that but amazing.
Candice and I
Afterwards, as you can see, we got to meet them all. As it wasn't really my best of days in terms of anxiety I came off very awkward (and in the tiny chance any of you guys are reading this, I apologise). If I weren't having such an off time I probably would have actually talked to them like the people they are but I really hope they didn't view me as being starstruck or something, as to be honest I just like to see YouTubers as people I simply watch online, some of them being talented, some creative. Maybe I shouldn't think this through to much, but I guess it's simply an effect of my anxiety.
Eventually the night came to an end. We were told to leave the venue and made even more new friends while waiting for our lift home. It's strange how the concert was way more than watching them sing, it was an entire experience. If you get bored, you make friends and when they perform, it's magical. Concerts have a life of their own.
from BriBry's facebook
Thank you for reading this. In the future I hope to do a "My Point of View" blog post on generally going to concerts. 

I hope you're having a swell time and I'll be back soon!

Saturday, 4 April 2015

My Point of View: The Park

This post is hopefully the first in a series about places I visit, experiences and so on but how I see them to be, as if I were in a story. 

Feel free to do the same along the way with me and we can explore our thought process together. 

The Park

My nearby park is a favourite of mine. The mind can wander at its own pace, no stresses to occupy your experience. Just you, yourself and nature.
When I adventure I always like to bring a companion of dog form, specifically Jack. He knows the greatness of the park better than any other and the swish of his tail brings a smile to my face. Everything is new to him, everything is information: just one smell and you become enriched in intelligence.
As I walk nothing is said, making any sounds exaggerated. From afar people are laughing, playing, engaging, a whole world has been left behind from me yet I do not feel any sense of loneliness.
Alas, my park has been infiltrated and my thought are now at attack. What once was a place of serenity has become awkward small talk which eats at my anxieties and makes me bury into myself. My one superpower has been activated: to ignore. This power prevents entities from engaging with me and instead leads them in the opposite direction. I unfurl myself and wander on.
Jack has noticed I've been shaken and becomes the leader of the trail, I continue to walk behind and use my power when necessary. When times of calm arrive I soak in the air and smile to myself, knowing the world is my oyster.

The End.


jacket - vintage fair, top - charity shop, shorts - Beyond retro, boots - Dr Marten